Confessions of a Licker

I'm a licker. This realization hit me tonight as, after my husband (at my request) kindly did the dishes, I suddenly felt compelled to jump in and finish them before he set the pan in the sink to soak. Why? So I could lick the spoon and the pan . . . I'm not proud of this, but it's true. It took great strength to stand there and watch him put the pan under the faucet. It was like saying goodbye to a dear friend. I couldn't figure out why he didn't have a great urge to lick it as well. I think next time I'll pretend I'm him and don't have that urge and see how it feels . . .

So, here I am, the end of November 1, 2007. I’m re-capping the day. Nancy (that’s my food therapist) said I should write stuff down as soon as I eat it. I was never good at that, but when I did it, it worked. Funny how we seem to trick ourselves.

9:30 am 1 boiled egg & 1 toast -- 1P 1S

1230 pm Large taco salad w/chili, one piece cake. 3P 5S

Some candy in the afternoon—but I gave all the candy away, so it shouldn’t be a problem anymore.

430 1 bite “pumpkin pie in a cup” at Ethan’s 4-H meeting

700 1 c chili, 1 veggie burger, 1 c salad 4S 2P

9:30p still hungry . . . at a veggie burger, now I’m too full. I think I just need a big fat cup of water when I’m hungry at night, wait 20 minutes and reevaluate . . . .

10am: 1.5 egg w/cheese, 1 tortilla & salsa. I actually poured water into my child’s dish so I wouldn’t finish his egg . . . how ridiculous is that.

1230pm: large taco salad w/1/4 c meat & ¼ c cheese. Beans, chips and 2 bites Ethans taco . . . 2p 3sss

I think somewhere in the afternoon I had another mini candy bar from Elliot’s stash . . .

6:00pm 1 chicken breast, ½ c cheesy potatoes, ½ c peas. 1 c salad.

Not so bad, except it’s 9pm and I’m hungry again.

1030pm Nachos . . . it’s not pretty, but at least I stopped and one bowl full when I wanted seconds.

10/30/07

I’m recording this on the 31st—a day late. My dietician would be disappointed, you should be too.

9:30 am 1 boiled egg, 1 toast 1P 1S

I had several pieces of licorice and a small piece of chocolate in the morning sometime . . . 3S

1230pm large salad with probably 8 tofu nuggets, then 3 or 4 of my boys’ chicken nuggets as well 4P 1S

630pm 2.5 c pasta w/chicken artichoke cream sauce
4 S 2P 3F

8-10pm 2 c blueberry pomegranate juice, 2 pieces apple cake
4S

10/31/07

930AM 1 c pasta w/chicken artichoke cream sauce 2S1P

Halloween did not treat me kindly. Or I should say, I treated myself unkindly this Halloween. Not so bad as some before though.

Lunch was a 4-in pizza and a large salad. 2S 2P

Then there was some candy in the afternoon—not much really. 2S

Then there was 2 bowls of chili at the party, a piece of cake I shared with Matt and a few bites of other deserts. 6S 3P

Then 2 more bowls of chili before bed . . . .2S 2P

1:30 pm: ½ marshmallow ghost Elliot foisted into my mouth, several handfuls of cheese nips I ate on the way home from church while lecturing Ethan on his misbehavior in church. I was hungry, but certainly hardly aware of what or how much I was eating I was so angry. Hmmm, emotional eating?

2pm: 1 black bean patty on a tortilla with raspberry chipotle sauce and cheese. Yummy snack/lunch.

That makes 2 protein, 2 starch, plus all the starch from the cheese nips.

3:45pm: 1 mini mounds from Elliot’s Halloween bucket . . . I justify that with the fact that he doesn’t need the sweets and doesn’t appreciate chocolate anyway. And “I need” some chocolate right now. Hmmmm, rationalization of emotional eating? I should be a food psychologist. Look out Dr. Phil.

5:30pm: 1.5 pork chops with onions and bbq sauce, 1.5 C rice, 2/3 c broccoli.

That takes us to about 2 protein, 4 starch--just what I'm allotted for dinner. Although I should really use a measuring cup for things like rice--it was probably more like 2 c. The thought of measuring my food conjures up images of all the diets I was on as a child . . . Dear Dr. Phil . . .

6:45 pm: Am I the only one out there that can’t seem to clean up dinner without munching on the leftovers? Someone once suggested you spray the kids leftover plates with window cleaner to avoid picking at it. That seems a bit drastic. And what about leftovers in the serving dish? Do you spray that too? That’s what I pick at the most. Case in point, I just ate another cup of rice with BBQ sauce . . . then topped it off with a mini crunch bar from Elliot’s Halloween basket. I’m stressed right now. Yup, you guessed it again Doc, emotional eating.

10pm: 1 c rice, 1 pork chop w/bbq sauce. I have a weakness for leftovers. I was hungry though, and am allotted 2 p 2 s snack if needed, so I did alright.

Not So Anonymous

This morning I began to clean out the remains of yesterday's road trip. As I pulled out Ethan's limp Kiddie-Meal bag, I suddenly found my self reaching into the bag and pulling out a cold, soggy french fry. I ate it. I am ashamed of this. F is for food. F is also for fat. My name is Jen, I am 33 years old and I am fat. I have been fat my entire life. Last year, with the help of a dietitian, I lost 35 pounds by simply keeping a food log and knowing that someone would read every word--admitting to someone just what and how much I was eating. These sessions seemed to me to be food therapy sessions--at $60 a pop. Since moving and leaving my food therapist, I have now found about 15 of those lost pounds. I'm hopeful that this flog is as successful as therapy without being so expensive . . .

Later this morning, Elliot shoved a bit of his granola bar into my mouth. It didn't taste good, but I swallowed it. Then, at 10am I managed to eat my real breakfast of a boiled egg and a piece of toast. I'm tempted to have another (since well, I'm allotted 2 protein servings and 2 starch at breakfast), but feeling satisfied and considering the congealed french fry and mediocre granola bit (and a bite of Elliot's second egg), I think I'll pass. Yay for me.