Goodbye to the Holidays

As is obvious from the dates of these entries, I ate through the holidays completely unchecked by the flog . . . . oops. Well, I’m not one for New Years resolutions, but now is as good as any time to pick up and do this again. I’ve invited my sister-in-law to contribute as well. Perhaps I’ll invite others and we can all flog together. So, here goes:

Wed, January 2, 2008

8:30 Breakfast was herbal tea and 2 c tomato soup (I’m getting a cold). (ss)

10:30 1 cheese stick (p)

12:30 1 grilled ham & cheese sandwich on whole wheat. 1.5 c butternut soup with a scoop of yogurt. (sssspp)

5:30 pm 2 c chicken chili with cheese & yogurt, 2.5 corn muffins, carrots, celery and ranch yogurt/cottage cheese dip. (ssssspp)

This day was alright. Granted I’ve got a bit of a head cold and don’t feel much like eating in general, but if I can keep up on my flog, I’ll do just fine.

Over the holidays I appear to have breached 270 yet again. I started seeing my food therapist about a year and a half ago when I was at 282. I got down to about 247 when we moved after about 7 months (35 pounds!). Now, nearly a year later, I have put back on over 20 of those. This will stop. The scale is now headed back down!

Thurs, January 3, 2008

I have two pair of size 22 jeans and one size 20 I’d bought a year ago. Now none of them fit. I just went and purchased two more pair of 24s so I have pants to wear.

9:00 am 1 cauliflower egg w/cheese and 1 piece ham (I mix cauliflower puree into my scrambled eggs—lots of Vitamin C)

1 piece banana bread and 2/3 c smoothie (with soy protein and flax—good for you!) ppss

11:00 2 oz Tofu with soy sauce (pp)

12:30 1 c pasta with ricotta and1 c chili (sssspp)

3:00 1 pc banana bread (s)

4:30 ½ banana (s)

5:00 1 very large fish taco salad (sssppp)

8:00 pm 1 wedge of Elliot’s leftover quesadilla (sad but true)

9:45 pm 1 c pasta with ricotta (ssp)

Sunday, January 6, 2008

(yes, I skipped most of the weekend . . .—let me try and re-cap—Friday’s dinner involved orange chicken and broccoli—brown rice, that was a healthy choice. Saturday involved a turkey burger for dinner with yam oven fries and then several chocolate covered peanuts and a piece of chocolate while playing games late into the night—see why I conveniently left out Friday and Saturday?)

1:00 pm (it was fast Sunday, I only made it until the bad pot luck after church . .. )

1 meat ball, 1 piece of something resembling turkey or chicken, 2.3 c rice, 2 little smokies, a couple of slices of cheese, a few beans, a bite of corn, some really nasty sweet potatoes with water chestnuts (??), a cup of punch and a piece of chocolate pie. And no, it wasn’t worth it.

3:00 ½ turkey burger leftover.

5:30 2 pieces lasagna, 1 c salad

9:00 2 chocolate covered pretzels.

I have to say that just in doing this pretty well this week, I’m already “down” a couple of pounds—granted it’s mostly water from the water I was retaining after salty, fatty snacking all through the holidays, but it makes me feel great knowing that just being accountable to the “flog” (and my new “floggies” Rebecca and Bob) helps and I can make progress. I love Rebecca’s moral victories. I realize I’m not alone and I think I’ll post my own. Today’s moral victory—I’m posting this at 11:30 pm and thinking about having a snack before I turn in, but I think I won’t. Someone on some TV show the other night, having lost like 150 pounds said she began to ask herself “how will I feel 5 minutes after I eat that?” every time she wanted to eat something. Tonight I can say that if I had that snack, in 5 minutes, I would be lying in bed, not feeling so good physically or emotionally. So, I think I will skip it.

The past few days have felt like a few weeks..

The title of this sums it all up. This is exactly why I have never lasted long at changing my eating habits. The days feel excruciatingly long. For some reason, all of the work makes me think I should be loosing a lot more weight a lot more quickly. Here goes my eating log for the past few days:

Wednesday- boiled egg, plain wheat toast, and orange juice for breakfast
water, left-over pizza and meatballs for lunch
cheese stick and water for a snack
chicken breast, potatoes and ceasar salad for dinner
moral victory of the day: I threw away the coupons for Arby's!

Thursday- oatmeal and water for breakfast
chicken breast and leftover sausage dip w/wheat thin chips for lunch
water and turkey for a snack
small handful cashews
steak, brown rice, beans and ceasar salad for dinner
I also snacked on some of the beans while they were cooking
moral victory of the day: threw away the kids leftovers

Friday- boiled egg, plain wheat toast, and orange juice for breakfast
water and 100 calorie pack of snacks for early snack
chicken breast and leftover potatoes for lunch
samples from Costco (can anyone resist these?!?)-hummus and laughing
cow cheese both on crackers, plain turkey breast
slimfast shake, cheese stick for afternoon snack
salmon, leftover brown rice and beans and salad for dinner
confession: I finished Brysons mac 'n cheese :(
moral victory: I didn't finish Sydney's mac 'n cheese :)

Saturday: 2 scrambled eggs with peppers, onion and cheese for breakfast
water, wheat toast
steak salad with pecans and crasins, leftover sausage dip for lunch
snacked on teddy grahams while out shopping
turkey wrap for dinner

Well, as you can see I didn't do incredibly good or bad. I just need to throw the unhealthy leftovers away!! Hope you all had a successful week.

Confessions of a Licker

I'm a licker. This realization hit me tonight as, after my husband (at my request) kindly did the dishes, I suddenly felt compelled to jump in and finish them before he set the pan in the sink to soak. Why? So I could lick the spoon and the pan . . . I'm not proud of this, but it's true. It took great strength to stand there and watch him put the pan under the faucet. It was like saying goodbye to a dear friend. I couldn't figure out why he didn't have a great urge to lick it as well. I think next time I'll pretend I'm him and don't have that urge and see how it feels . . .

So, here I am, the end of November 1, 2007. I’m re-capping the day. Nancy (that’s my food therapist) said I should write stuff down as soon as I eat it. I was never good at that, but when I did it, it worked. Funny how we seem to trick ourselves.

9:30 am 1 boiled egg & 1 toast -- 1P 1S

1230 pm Large taco salad w/chili, one piece cake. 3P 5S

Some candy in the afternoon—but I gave all the candy away, so it shouldn’t be a problem anymore.

430 1 bite “pumpkin pie in a cup” at Ethan’s 4-H meeting

700 1 c chili, 1 veggie burger, 1 c salad 4S 2P

9:30p still hungry . . . at a veggie burger, now I’m too full. I think I just need a big fat cup of water when I’m hungry at night, wait 20 minutes and reevaluate . . . .

10am: 1.5 egg w/cheese, 1 tortilla & salsa. I actually poured water into my child’s dish so I wouldn’t finish his egg . . . how ridiculous is that.

1230pm: large taco salad w/1/4 c meat & ¼ c cheese. Beans, chips and 2 bites Ethans taco . . . 2p 3sss

I think somewhere in the afternoon I had another mini candy bar from Elliot’s stash . . .

6:00pm 1 chicken breast, ½ c cheesy potatoes, ½ c peas. 1 c salad.

Not so bad, except it’s 9pm and I’m hungry again.

1030pm Nachos . . . it’s not pretty, but at least I stopped and one bowl full when I wanted seconds.

10/30/07

I’m recording this on the 31st—a day late. My dietician would be disappointed, you should be too.

9:30 am 1 boiled egg, 1 toast 1P 1S

I had several pieces of licorice and a small piece of chocolate in the morning sometime . . . 3S

1230pm large salad with probably 8 tofu nuggets, then 3 or 4 of my boys’ chicken nuggets as well 4P 1S

630pm 2.5 c pasta w/chicken artichoke cream sauce
4 S 2P 3F

8-10pm 2 c blueberry pomegranate juice, 2 pieces apple cake
4S

10/31/07

930AM 1 c pasta w/chicken artichoke cream sauce 2S1P

Halloween did not treat me kindly. Or I should say, I treated myself unkindly this Halloween. Not so bad as some before though.

Lunch was a 4-in pizza and a large salad. 2S 2P

Then there was some candy in the afternoon—not much really. 2S

Then there was 2 bowls of chili at the party, a piece of cake I shared with Matt and a few bites of other deserts. 6S 3P

Then 2 more bowls of chili before bed . . . .2S 2P

1:30 pm: ½ marshmallow ghost Elliot foisted into my mouth, several handfuls of cheese nips I ate on the way home from church while lecturing Ethan on his misbehavior in church. I was hungry, but certainly hardly aware of what or how much I was eating I was so angry. Hmmm, emotional eating?

2pm: 1 black bean patty on a tortilla with raspberry chipotle sauce and cheese. Yummy snack/lunch.

That makes 2 protein, 2 starch, plus all the starch from the cheese nips.

3:45pm: 1 mini mounds from Elliot’s Halloween bucket . . . I justify that with the fact that he doesn’t need the sweets and doesn’t appreciate chocolate anyway. And “I need” some chocolate right now. Hmmmm, rationalization of emotional eating? I should be a food psychologist. Look out Dr. Phil.

5:30pm: 1.5 pork chops with onions and bbq sauce, 1.5 C rice, 2/3 c broccoli.

That takes us to about 2 protein, 4 starch--just what I'm allotted for dinner. Although I should really use a measuring cup for things like rice--it was probably more like 2 c. The thought of measuring my food conjures up images of all the diets I was on as a child . . . Dear Dr. Phil . . .

6:45 pm: Am I the only one out there that can’t seem to clean up dinner without munching on the leftovers? Someone once suggested you spray the kids leftover plates with window cleaner to avoid picking at it. That seems a bit drastic. And what about leftovers in the serving dish? Do you spray that too? That’s what I pick at the most. Case in point, I just ate another cup of rice with BBQ sauce . . . then topped it off with a mini crunch bar from Elliot’s Halloween basket. I’m stressed right now. Yup, you guessed it again Doc, emotional eating.

10pm: 1 c rice, 1 pork chop w/bbq sauce. I have a weakness for leftovers. I was hungry though, and am allotted 2 p 2 s snack if needed, so I did alright.

Not So Anonymous

This morning I began to clean out the remains of yesterday's road trip. As I pulled out Ethan's limp Kiddie-Meal bag, I suddenly found my self reaching into the bag and pulling out a cold, soggy french fry. I ate it. I am ashamed of this. F is for food. F is also for fat. My name is Jen, I am 33 years old and I am fat. I have been fat my entire life. Last year, with the help of a dietitian, I lost 35 pounds by simply keeping a food log and knowing that someone would read every word--admitting to someone just what and how much I was eating. These sessions seemed to me to be food therapy sessions--at $60 a pop. Since moving and leaving my food therapist, I have now found about 15 of those lost pounds. I'm hopeful that this flog is as successful as therapy without being so expensive . . .

Later this morning, Elliot shoved a bit of his granola bar into my mouth. It didn't taste good, but I swallowed it. Then, at 10am I managed to eat my real breakfast of a boiled egg and a piece of toast. I'm tempted to have another (since well, I'm allotted 2 protein servings and 2 starch at breakfast), but feeling satisfied and considering the congealed french fry and mediocre granola bit (and a bite of Elliot's second egg), I think I'll pass. Yay for me.